Happy Halloween!

Hey all!

I added two posts tonight. This is the first and is a regular update on life with the PJ family. The second is below and is a bit more theological, check it out if you like!

In adoption news:

We are officially waiting for baby #2. The dos was submitted two weeks ago this coming Friday and everything is in order. We hope to hear something by the end of May, but you never know with adoption. I appreciated the variety of responses related to the last post--several folks who already knew what the "Big News" was thought we were telling the world we had a travel date (this included my MOM, Suzy, and Amanda...be assured I would NEVER let you find out such big news online :) Prays are appreciated!

Halloween 2007:

Shahra was a cowgirl, thanks in part to Aunt Amanda and Uncle Derick's generous gift of a cow girl hat before we left MN. We also used a pair of boots my mom had for me when I was a kid as well as a Yellowstone belt my family bought for me in 1984. Shahra was a bit timid at first, but she got into it after a while. I was proud that Shahra was so polite. We would say "what do you say to the nice people" and she said "Thank you! Thank you!" Very cute! There were a ton of houses that DIDN'T have candy!!! Jeff and I couldn't remember a time when we saw so few kids out and about...especially when it was 50+ degrees (warm compared to the blizzard filled Halloweens we both remember as kids). On the 30th Shahra decorated a pumpkin and played with pumpkin guts. Very fun for a 2 year old. Sharha's daycare had a party and she supplied the class with Gold Fish crackers.

Family things:

My (Tracy) parents were up a week ago and enjoyed some time with Shahra. It was great to show them our place and catch up. My mom hadn't been up yet, so she got to see everything for the first time. This included the "nature" right outside our sliding glass door. We live within 20 feet of a bean field on the edge of town. They saw several chipmunks, a snake (ick) and a 2 foot long squirrel we named "Big Red" The thing is MASSIVE. It reminds me of the squirrels that lived near my apt on 11th street in Fremont NE (any college friends remember them??)

Work is still going well for us all and Shahra is still enjoying day care. However, I know the majority of you read this blog for the Shahra pictures. So, without further ado, here they are:

Some Theological Thoughts on Suffering

Hello Folks,

A fair warning:

The following post is Tracy's thoughts on the Theology of Suffering. I love hospice work, but one of the side effects is that you have all sorts of thoughts related to God, human suffering and the impact this all has on creation. If you're a seminary friend or someone who is especially interested in God's role in human suffering, read on!! Trying to figure out what we were supposed to learn in systematic theology? This is your place!! If you read this blog to see cute pics of Shahra and updates on adoption, you may want to stop:


Living in the Ashes

I welcome living in this time of lament.

As a chaplain, I feel we have the choice to minister to people in a distant, safe way, or we can join them in their despair. This doesn’t mean we take on their grief as our own or become consumed. I see it as entering the season of Lent. I don’t know how long I will live in this Season of Lament. I never liked living in the ashes before and dreaded Lent as a child. It felt like a punishment as I heard: “you are sinful and bad and this sin killed Jesus. You need to go to church twice a week and think about what you did. Lucky for you, God swooped in and resurrected Jesus. That was close. Now go eat some chocolate bunnies.”

Here in hospice, we reflect. We sit in the silence and allow the darkness to envelop us. Surviving this time is possible because we can always see the ray of light and hope in Christ—we know Easter is coming. It is impossible to have the resurrection without the cross; it is impossible to truly live if we are unwilling to look at death. In this season of lament, I simply join the person in their ashes, and envision pouring these ashes over myself as described in the Bible. All around me there is wailing, the cries of death and suffering. I wail with people. I cry out with and for them. I honor their grief as their own, not taking it as mine. It is in these places that I have begun to understand the meaning of the liturgical “flood prayer” spoken at baptism “we are children of a fallen humanity.” The world is utterly and completely broken due to human sin and separation from God. A woman with cancer is at hospice because her family can't care for her at home. They may lose that home. A 64 year old isn’t old enough to qualify for Medicare. Her husband has to make the choice of keeping his job to pay the mortgage or giving up his job to qualify for medical assistance. Our world is utterly shattered.

“The people in darkness have seen a great light. The light shines in the darkness and the darkness shall not overcome it.” Through the ashes, I see hope and the promise of a resurrected and restored world.

Living in a time of lament has utterly altered my view of the Trinity. God the Father used to be a distant God to me…think the God of Moses speaking to Charlton Hesston in the 10 Commandments. God was a booming, powerful voice that could be felt at a distance. You can never look at or truly see this God because He was so powerful and mighty, able to heal and cure but too big to wrap my mind around. In hospice, I finally get to see and feel the presence of God. God the Father completely saturates the room. His presence enters us and can be felt as death draws near. He is not a distant creator God in hospice, but His full being surrounds each person in their sorrow.

Before hospice, I knew Jesus as divinely human and I truly believed He walked with us in our sorrow. Certainly, he felt the pain of suffering and death, but I still felt it was as if He was patting us on the back, telling us it would all be ok. At times, this felt condescending, like Bill Clinton expressing “I feel your pain.” Now, I see Christ as a savior who submits Himself to the pain of the world. Christ is in the patient’s bed, crying out in pain, feeling death closing in around Him. Christ is with the widow, sitting helpless by the same bed, unsure of the future. Christ is with the confused young chaplain, angry that situations beyond our control lead to unquenchable suffering.

The Holy Spirit was a mystery. Perhaps the soul of a human? Perhaps “the church” as I was taught in Seminary? No, the Holy Spirit dwells in all of us and manifests through the thoughts, words and deeds of every person in the room. The Spirit is released into the room through the cries of the patient. The Spirit is revealed as God to the world through us. While still a mystery, God’s power, Christ’s presence and the Spirit’s hope for the world are released to carry on hope for the future.


In hospice, I feel comfortable, even blessed to sit in the ashes with others. We can not have resurrection without the cross. We can not have hope in the future without acknowledging the pain of the present. We can not have life without death.




**I send this out as a prayer that God will be with all those who suffer tonight. Our family who remembers the anniversary of Riley's death this week. At the same time, we thank God for the reconnection some of us have found as a result of her death. Thanking God that He said "wake up" and helped some of us remember our heritage. I pray for Baby *E* family who remember her death a year ago in Ethiopia. I lift up praises, that through her death, more people have learned of the struggles of Ethiopia and have chosen to give money to fund a new care center. I pray for baby *S* and her family who openly share their faith and obedience to God in the midst of suffering. I pray for our Luther friend *S* and his family as they face cancer. May God protect you, guide you and bring you peace. For all the hospice families who ask "why now" to a diagnosis. For the families who ask God "why have you waited so long" as they pray for death and peace. That the spirit may fill these people and all who suffer. That we may remember the ray of hope we find in the cross, knowing the resurrection is upon us.**

THE BIG NEWS....

We are happy to announce that we are adopting a baby! That's correct, Shahra is going to be a big sister. Once again, we are waiting with anticipation to welcome home an infant from Ethiopia. Over the past 2 months, we have been putting together paperwork and completing govt. documents in hopes of adopting a baby boy. We couldn't be more excited. Our families, friends, and work places have been very supportive.

We'll try to answer some of the questions you may have:

When does the baby come home:

We are waiting for a few final pieces of paperwork (our home study is being approved by Children's Home, and the dossier should be sent to Ethiopia by the end of Oct). If all goes well, we hope to be officially waiting by Nov. 1. After that, it will take 5-7 months to receive a referral. Then, 2-3 months later, we travel to Ethiopia to pick up our child. For those doing the math, that means we will probably travel late spring or during the summer of 2008.

How old will the baby be:

We are requesting an infant boy under 12 months of age at referral. This means the baby could be anywhere from 4 months to 15 months when we pick him up.

Why Ethiopia:

After the wonderful experience we had adopting Shahra, we can't imagine adopting anywhere else. We love Ethiopia--the country, the people, everything. There is a great need in Ethiopia as well and we feel called by our faith to answer this need.

Why does it take so long?

Compared to some countries and programs, Ethiopia is a relatively quick process (remind us of this in Feb when we've been waiting for several months and we're no longer this patient :) First, there are many families who want to adopt from Ethiopia. Some of the wait is simply "standing in line." The wait is also due to the fact that our adoption agency and the govt of Ethiopia want to ensure everything is in order. Everyone involved wants to be sure that the child placed for adoption was placed by choice (no one forced the birth parents to place the child). Also, the court system simply takes time to process all of the paperwork.

Why are there children available for adoption in Ethiopia?

Sadly, poverty, starvation and death lead to many orphaned children. 1 in 14 mothers die in childbirth. Many, if not most, people in Ethiopia don't have access to clean water. There is no "safety net" to ensure families are able to care for orphaned children. This is why we approach our adoption with a sense of reverence--our greatest joy is the result of another person's greatest loss. It is only because we live in an unfair, fallen world that children need to be adopted.

Once he arrives, what can you tell us about the baby's specific situation?

Out of respect to our child's story, we won't be sharing too much about the specifics that led to his adoption. We may say general things like "poverty and death are major problems in Ethiopia." However, we feel it is important to honor our child's privacy and share these details with him as he grows up.

Anything else we should know?

I'll keep you updated!! We thank you all for your love and support during this process. There will probably be long stretches of time when we don't have any news. When we do, we will let you know! As time goes on, feel free to ask us about the process. Do know however, waiting can get hard for us. It can be even harder if we receive too many questions about the wait. For example: as we waited for Shahra, Tracy actually had 5 people ask in a 10 minute time frame when we'd be traveling. It can get draining to tell people "I really don't know" We PROMISE to keep you updated. Pray for us, our family, our new baby and the baby's birth family as we enter this process.

There is a lot of special language related to adoption. We'll try to explain some terms so my future blogs make more sense:

Home study: a home study is a report made out by a social worker recommending us as adoptive parents. We expect our agency to sign off on this document in the next week or so.

Dossier: A document sent to Ethiopia (or ET as I may call it) telling govt officials about our desire to adopt. Basically, a lot of papers showing that we are able to care for a child.

Children's Home Society (CHS): Our adoption agency, or, the people who help us find our baby.

Referral: We receive information that a child is available!! This comes as a phone call from our Social worker and includes a packet of information about our child.

More info on Ethiopia and adoption:

Google is awesome, nuf said :)

Children's Home Society, our agency: http://www.chsfs.org/

Ethiopian Embassy website: http://www.ethiopianembassy.org/index.shtml

CIA Fact book: https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/et.html

Finally, here is a link that shares "positive adoption language."

http://www.adopting.org/article5.html

Thank you all for your support and love. I'll update you as we get more information. For now, pray that the rest of our paperwork goes smooth and we are able to turn our dossier in by the end of the month!

Tracy, Jeff and Shahra